Why Do We Often Pay Attention to Ourselves Only When Things Get Difficult?

Every day, we face circumstances that require an “immediate investment of resources to cope with the situation”: work, news, air raid alerts, uncertainty, responsibility for loved ones, fatigue, and the constant need to adapt to change.

Under prolonged stress, we often begin paying attention to our own state only when the tension has already become overwhelming. These are the moments when we want to calm down quickly, regain our concentration, or simply feel some relief, even if only for a few minutes.

Today, there is a lot of discussion about breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and other self-regulation practices. However, it is important not to view them as a “magic pill” that will make stress disappear instantly. Their value lies elsewhere: in gradually exploring different tools, finding the ones that work for you, and learning to use them regularly.

Self-regulation is a practice that can gradually develop into a skill and eventually become a helpful habit.

What Happens to Us When We Experience Stress?

Stress is the body's natural response to difficult or threatening circumstances and situations that require us to adapt. However, when stress continues over a long period, it can accumulate and affect not only our emotional state but also our body, behaviour, sleep, ability to concentrate, and ability to recover.

That is why it is important not only to understand what stress is, but also to learn to recognise how it manifests itself in us.

Self-Regulation Is Not About “Feeling Nothing”

Self-regulation does not mean switching off anxiety, fear, anger, or other difficult emotions. Nor is its purpose to make us stop reacting to challenging circumstances.

Rather, it is about developing the ability to recognise our own state more clearly and having accessible tools that we can use to support ourselves and regulate our level of tension.

That is why simply learning about a technique once is not enough. It is important to try it, observe your own response, and understand whether it works for you.

Three Simple Practices: From Understanding to Action

Self-regulation tools come in many forms, and there is no single practice that works equally well for everyone. That is why it is important to try different ways of supporting yourself and pay attention to how you respond.

Ahead of World Mental Health Day, the psychologists from Mission Kharkiv’s Mental Health Service share three simple practices that you can try incorporating into your daily life.

1. The 5×5 Breathing Exercise

The 5×5 breathing exercise, also known as resonance or coherent breathing, is a simple practice that can be done almost anywhere: at home, while walking, or during a short break in the day.

Slow, controlled breathing has been associated with parasympathetic activity and changes in heart rate variability (Zaccaro et al., 2018; Shao, Man & Lee, 2024).

How to do the exercise:

Sit or lie down comfortably and relax. Slowly inhale through your nose for five seconds. As you breathe in, let your abdomen rise gently, as if it were filling with air.

Then exhale just as smoothly through your nose or mouth for five seconds.

Repeat this cycle for approximately five minutes.

Try practising regularly, for example before going to bed, and observe how you feel and how your body responds.

2. The “How Am I?” Practice

This exercise helps you develop the habit of paying attention to your own state.

We often start checking in with ourselves only when we already feel uncomfortable or notice a problem. Try changing this approach.

Set a reminder on your phone and pause from time to time to ask yourself:

How am I feeling right now? What emotion am I experiencing? Is there any tension in my body? Am I thirsty? Perhaps I need to stand up, take a walk, or move around a little?

You do not have to change anything straight away. Sometimes, the first step is simply learning to notice your own state and needs.

3. Make the Familiar Unfamiliar

From time to time, try doing familiar things in a new way: brush your teeth with your other hand, take a different route home, get off the bus one stop early and walk, write your name with both hands at the same time, wear something festive for an ordinary lunch at home, or enjoy your morning coffee by candlelight.

We perform many everyday activities automatically, barely paying attention to them. Small changes to our usual routines can help shift our attention and allow us to notice our surroundings in a new way.

Why Is It Worth Talking About Breathing in Particular?

Breathing practices are among the most accessible self-regulation tools. Many do not require special equipment, a separate space, or much time.

At the same time, their benefits should not be reduced to the simple advice to “take a breath and you will feel better.”

Current research suggests that regular breathing practices may be associated with reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as reduced physiological signs of stress and improvements in certain measures of cognitive performance. However, these findings should be interpreted cautiously, without overstating what these techniques can achieve.

Why Should We Not Wait Until Things Become Really Difficult?

We often remember self-help techniques only when our tension levels are already very high: “I feel awful — I need to do something right now.”

But if someone tries a particular practice for the first time in such a moment, it may be harder to concentrate on the steps, tune in to their own sensations, and understand whether the tool works for them.

That is why it is worth exploring self-regulation practices not only during periods of intense stress, but also when we feel relatively calm.

The idea is simple: instead of “I will try this exercise when things get really bad,” think “I know this practice because I have used it many times before.”

How Can You Make a Practice Part of Everyday Life?

You do not need to start with a complicated routine or a large number of techniques.

You can try several practices, choose the one that works best for you, and set aside a few minutes for it as part of your usual routine: in the morning, during a break, after work, or before bed.

The WHO guide Doing What Matters in Times of Stress notes that practising the self-help techniques it describes can take just a few minutes each day.

The goal is not to add another obligation to your day, but to gradually make paying attention to your psychological well-being part of everyday life.

The Limits of Self-Help: When Are These Practices Not Enough?

Self-regulation practices can be part of caring for your mental health, but they cannot and should not be expected to resolve every psychological difficulty.

Breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and other self-help tools are not universal solutions, nor do they replace professional psychological or medical care when it is needed.

That is why it is important not only to know how to support yourself, but also to recognise when your own resources and self-help tools may not be enough.

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Self-Regulation as Part of Everyday Self-Care

Self-regulation practices should not be tools we turn to only when tension has already become overwhelming. Their value lies in gradually becoming more familiar with our own responses and developing skills that, over time, become accessible and familiar ways of supporting ourselves.

You do not need to master many techniques at once. Try different practices, choose the ones that work for you, and gradually incorporate them into your daily life. Regularity matters more than the number of techniques or performing them “perfectly.”

At the same time, self-regulation has its limits. If your own resources and self-help practices are not enough, seeking professional psychological or medical support is an important next step.

This article was prepared by Mission Kharkiv’s Mental Health Service for World Mental Health Day.

Sources and Further Reading

• The Multidimensionality of Stress: Risk and Protective Factors in Health Outcomes
• Breathe In, Breathe Out: Cards for Stabilising Breathing Practices
• What Is Grounding Practice?
• Doing What Matters in Times of Stress: An Illustrated Guide
• What Is Stress and How Does It Arise? The “Stress” Guide
• The Emotional Level: How Feelings Influence Our Decisions, Actions, and Resilience
• A Guide to Emotional Regulation: “Rules of the Road Within”
• The Effect of Slow-Paced Breathing on Cardiovascular and Emotion Functions: A Meta-Analysis and Systematic Review
• Effect of Breathwork on Stress and Mental Health: A Meta-Analysis of Randomised-Controlled Trials
• Deep Breathing Exercise at Work: Potential Applications and Impact
• mhGAP Intervention Guide, Version 2.0

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