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"You cannot step into the same river twice"

‍ Heraclitus of Ephesus

During one group therapy session, someone said: "Nothing will ever be the way it once was." It was spoken with pain and a sense of helplessness. And it was not only about the diagnosis itself, but about everything the illness can take away.

It can mean the loss of one or both breasts. The loss of peace of mind due to constant thoughts about recurrence. The loss of a partner who could not withstand the strain. The loss of a friend who doesn’t know what to say or how to support you. The loss of your sense of attractiveness due to hair loss, weight changes, or other side effects of treatment.  And perhaps most of all – the exhaustion from an endless “fight.” The list could go on.

In everyday life, we often react to change with caution. Even good news can sometimes trigger anxiety, because it forces us to adapt to something new or to grow in an unfamiliar direction. This is a natural reaction. It’s how our defense mechanisms work. They try to preserve a sense of stability, because we often equate stability with safety. If nothing changes, then nothing threatens us.

All of our personal self-regulation mechanisms exist to help us interact with the world and improve our quality of life. But sometimes they work against us. This can happen when even positive changes frighten us with their uncertainty and hold us back. And when the news is bad, resistance can seem logical – even necessary.
Still, there are two important aspects worth remembering that can shift our initial reaction of resistance.

The first is that bad news often has an irreversible nature. In this context, resisting what has already happened makes no sense. As much as we may wish otherwise, time cannot be turned back – and events cannot be undone.

The second concerns the passivity that usually arises as a result of our resistance to negative events. Here, the metaphor of the “victim” comes to mind: when we remain passive and inactive in a difficult life situation, we effectively turn ourselves into victims – feeling powerless, which only deepens the pain.

With this reflection in mind, we can try to develop an alternative plan of action – a kind of roadmap for a new way of responding.

The opposite of helplessness is an active stance. Accepting what has happened is the first step toward action. When we stop resisting the facts, we gain the ability to respond instead of remaining stuck in the point of pain.

This allows us to keep pace with life, even in difficult circumstances. Activity returns to us a sense of control over our own lives. We choose how to respond, instead of leaving it to chance.

Acceptance and readiness to act become the starting point of a new path. This is the beginning of a different relationship – with life and with ourselves.

As Heraclitus once said: "You cannot step into the same river twice." This thought is not about loss – it’s about change. We cannot return to what once was, but we can create something new – different, stronger, perhaps even better.

This material was prepared within the framework of the project “Psychological Support for Cancer Patients: We Are Here for You!”, implemented by Mission Kharkiv with the support of the “Capable and Strong” program, carried out by the East Europe Foundation with the assistance of Switzerland.

The views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the position of the East Europe Foundation and the Swiss Agency for Development and Cooperation.

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