After you learn about your diagnosis and live through the first wave of emotions – fear, anxiety, denial, or even despair – there often comes a moment when you ask:
“Why me?” and “Why did this happen to me?”

This is your mind’s way of trying to regain control in a situation that clearly threatens your life and triggers a deep sense of powerlessness.
And that reaction – is absolutely natural.

However, it’s important to recognize that answers to these questions rarely offer meaningful support.
Let’s think together – what might these answers sound like?

• Because someone in my family had the same illness – it’s genetic.
• Because I didn’t eat right or take care of my health.
• Because I’ve always had bad luck.

The list can go on and on. But none of these responses provide you with real tools for moving forward. Even if you accept one of them as "the truth" – what does it actually change in your current situation?

For instance, let’s say you believe your illness is hereditary – does that give you strength, clarity, or stability right now? So how can your awareness – your ability to reflect and understand – truly help you in this moment?

It starts with a simple but powerful shift:

• There are things you can control.
• And there are things you cannot.

This distinction is the key to inner balance. When you can clearly answer two questions:

1. What, in my situation, depends on me?
2. What does not?

You begin to focus your attention, energy, and resources where they will actually make a difference.

You are not the cause of your illness.
But you do have influence over how you move through it.

What depends on you?

• Choosing your medical team and treatment plan
• Being open to support – from professionals and loved ones
• Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being
• Cultivating a stable inner position and self-compassion

This is where your real power lies – in the part of the experience where your choices matter.
And at the same time, it frees you from the exhausting pressure to change what is simply beyond your control.

This approach is not about denial or avoidance.
It’s about:

• Accepting our human limitations
• Allowing ourselves to receive support
• Being wise with our energy
• Meeting reality without extra pressure
• And finding true strength through grounded clarity

You don’t have to have all the answers.
But you can take the next step – one grounded in what you truly can influence, with dignity and purpose.

This material was prepared as part of the Capable and Resistant Program with support from East Europe Foundation and Switzerland. 

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